you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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