i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
