one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
