the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
