I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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