It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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