Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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