dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
What drink are we having for lunch?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
