He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
