And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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