Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
