Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
