from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
