i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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