considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
