My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
