if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
