So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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