You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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