So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
