But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
