Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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