:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she peed on how many people?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
