dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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