i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
