Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
