don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
