I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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