My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
