Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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