I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
