it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
