I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dicks are not precious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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