I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
