I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
