Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
this hospital has no fireball
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
