I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
