legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
