Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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