Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
