If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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