I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
the night ended with taco bell and tears
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
