she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
