I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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