I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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