Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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