please come you make the beer taste better
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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