I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
