im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
