when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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